Out of the Comfort Zone.....

“Go to the edge” the voice said

Every day at the school I work at, we are asking the students to go outside their comfort zone. In fact, we pride ourselves on making them just a little bit uncomfortable. For some, it could just be as simple as asking them to speak up in class, or knowing where to start writing on a page. We are asking them to take risks. From where we stand, they are not big risks, they are things we do without even thinking about it, however for some of the students, they are as insurmountable as climbing Mt Everest is for us.

“But I’ll fall”

Camp is a huge “risk” for some of the students. Leaving the comfort, security and familiarity of home and family is almost too much for some to cope with. Once at Camp, some need help with the basics we all take for granted – when and how to shower, when and how to get up and dressed in the morning. Sharing a meal with a large group of people, even sitting down to eat for more than five minutes is a huge leap outside of their comfort zone.

“Go to the edge” the voice said

The students all meet these challenges and largely rise to the occasion, without too many tears (from staff and students alike). The happy, smiling faces and constant laughter is testimony to that.

“But you’ll push me”

When was the last time YOU were truly challenged? When was the last time YOU stepped out of your comfort zone? As adults, we have worked out ways to avoid situations that make us uncomfortable. I know myself, when confronted with the Taipan at Jambaroo, I simply told the students “no, I’m not doing that, I don’t like enclosed spaces”. I can endure their laughter, I can endure their name calling – I can live with that. 

“Go to the edge” the voice said

I like to think I have empathy with those students, that I can remember what it is like to be scared to do something. Often when the students become anxious about stepping outside their comfort zone, we tell them “it’s okay”, “you can do it”, “it’s not a problem”, when inside we are probably thinking “why are they worried about that?” However I think time and logical thinking dulls that fear in most of us. We learn to deal with that fear, we learn to cope or overcome it – or we simply avoid the cause. I decided whilst watching the students on one of the Jambaroo attractions that I needed to “put up or shut up”. I was watching them jump off “The Rock”, a five metre high jump into an equally deep pool. Certainly not for the faint hearted! One student, who had been wanting to do it all day, had jumped once and was hesitating on his second jump. As I watched and sensed his hesitation, I resolved to do it myself. “Okay”, I called, “I’ll do it too!”

So I went

As I ran to the top and saw their looks of disbelief, I tried not to think too much about what I was doing. I went to the edge and looked down (first mistake – long way down!) I endured the giggling behind me, and looked down at the expectant faces below me. I called (begged, pleaded) for silence, stretched my arms out to the side and took a few deep, calming (last?) breaths. With the encouraging words of the lifeguard ringing in my ears (“I’m here to rescue you if anything goes wrong” – thanks for that) I finally took that step off the edge.

I was pushed

Five metres down to the water, with your eyes shut, seems to take an awfully long time – and there is no going back! Silence seemed to descend on the park as I waited to hit the water. The journey up to the top of the water takes a while too! Once I realised I was still in one piece, I began the swim back to the edge – “how was it?” (cold), “was it good?” (I’ll get back to you on that one). I climbed out and put on my brave face. “Do it again – the more you do it the easier it gets” I was advised. No, I think once was enough! I was absolutely terrified – at least I could blame the cold water for the shaking.

And I flew.

I think it is a good thing to challenge yourself like this every once in a while. It has put me back in touch with how it feels to be really scared – to be really uncomfortable. Hopefully it will give me a greater appreciation, understanding and acceptance of the daily struggles of what the students go through.  Whilst I may not jump off any more “mountains”, hopefully it will also allow me to also push myself out of my comfort zone more often.

The Difference A Year Makes

This time last year, I was getting ready to go on school camp. I was really worried about what I was going to eat, and whether I was going to blow out.

Next week, I go off on school camp again. This year, I'm not worried. I know I will be able to control my choices, and if the food doesn't exactly suit, well I'll just worry about it when I get home.

One of the teacher's made up a book with photos from last year, and showed it to his year 7 class. They of course weren't at the school last year, so therefore weren't on camp.

When they saw the photo of me, they didn't know who it was! They thought it was one of the other teachers! It took him some convincing to assure them it really was me. Later that day the book was being passed around our staff meeting. Across the room I could hear "look at Melissa, doesn't she look different - how amazing". It was a nice feeling.

It's little reminders like that that make it all worthwhile, and make it easier to stay on track.

I have another run on Sunday, the Sydney Running Festival, 9.2km across the Sydney Harbour Bridge. I am really looking forward to this one. Best of all, I am meeting up with a couple of TWD buddies for lunch on Saturday.

Have a good week everyone.

Now, where were we!

September! Can someone tell me how, all of a sudden, it got to September! Last time I blogged it was May, and I swear it was only yesterday!

So, I guess I should fast forward, and catch you up - some of you may be hanging out for the end of the story.

I last left you, before my rant about thoughtless people, with a blog about emotional eating. Since I got that off my chest, I will fill you in on how I went on this study.

After the 12 weeks of the official study, I lost, much to my delight, a little over 12 kilos! I was ecstatic! It had been so easy, and the support I had received from my cyber buddies was amazing. My goal then was to lose 15 kilos by Christmas.

Well, I smashed this, losing 17 kilos by Christmas day. By then, I had gone from a size 16-18 to a size 12! Happy, happy. But most of all, I was happy in myself. I no longer worried about what others said or did - that was their problem. I couldn't control how they acted, but I could control how they reacted - and I chose not to be negative.

This is an extract from a blog I wrote in around October last year:

"So if people don't say "wow you've lost weight", big deal, I'm not doing it for them, I'm doing it for me - not my husband, not my kids - me. My wellbeing, my mental health - me.

I feel a sense of calmness and peace that I haven't for a long time. I don't believe though that I won't have down times - I do believe though that they won't be as bad as before or last as long as before. There is an acceptance of myself for who I am that has taken a long time to come. As I was reading some blogs earlier where others were describing their bad days or weeks or how they were feeling down I almost felt bad for wanting to write this, but in doing so maybe it will help others see that it DOES get better!"

I was right - there are still tough times, but they are easier to get through - usually just mometary flashes, instead of long periods of brooding. I am more able to stand up for myself, more assertive - which has surprised a few people. There are a few people around who still try to bring me down, but again, that's their problem.

This journey has not been without it's humourous moments. There was the time a colleague told me not to lose any more weight as I was making him look like "a fat bastard" - I told him he didn't need me to do that! Then, there was the time I was running around school in board shorts (I teach swimming), and a member of staff called me "sexy legs". I made the mistake of blogging about that one, and that label stuck! There were also the tales of how I wrestled (and lost) with my conscience over whether to induldge in morning tea, and the pure delight of receiving compliements from unexpected sources.

Friday night very quickly became "wine night", the night I consumed my two indulgences for the week, a well earned glass (or two) or wine! The only issue was that my husband was forced to consume the rest of the bottle - but he rose to the challenge!

The 5.30am starts for the gym soon became routine, and amazing, I actually enjoyed (enjoy) it. It did get difficult in winter, but the results make it worthwhile. One instructor dubbed me "the incredible shrinking woman". Don't let anyone tell you you can't lose weight by doing weights - they are wrong! It's the best way - for lots of reasons I won't go into here.

So, in February, I got to my goal weight of 70kgs - and I was happy with that. It was then I decided I needed a new challenge - and started running. I had been doing a little in the gym, but decided to enter the City2Surf for the first time since 1999. I also wanted an exercise that I could do when I was on holidays and away from the gym.

Running had a pleasant, unplanned side effect, helping me lose another 5kgs, bring my weight down to 65kgs. This was the lowest weight I had been for YEARS, and I am quite happy with that! I am now down to a size 8-10, and finding it easy to maintain.

I wrote this blog in November, at the end of the 12 week study - I think the sentiment holds true still:

"I seem to have lost something. Can anyone help me find it? Although I’m not sure I really want to. I had it a few months ago, and I seem to have put it somewhere, and now I don’t know where I put it.

I’ve looked under the bed, with the electric blanket, shoes, spare pillows – no, not there. I’ve looked in the wardrobe, amongst all the clothes, up on the top shelf – no, can’t find it there. I’ve even looked out in the garage, and in the cupboard in the spare room – can’t find it anywhere.

I’m not even sure what it looks like anymore. I guess I would describe it as weighing around 86 kgs, full of insecurities, too timid to stand up for itself, no energy. More content to hide itself at home than get out and do anything. Now, where has it gone?

It seems to have disappeared! In its place is something else. Something that is energetic, jumping out of bed at 5.30am to go to the gym. More confident, able to assert itself. Something that is 12.4kgs lighter, 54cm smaller and seemingly 10 feet tall. Where did this thing come from?

It came from the realisation that it is important. That she is important. That only you can change you. That it doesn’t matter what other people think of you, it is what you think of yourself that matters. That the small stuff doesn’t matter.

It came from knowing that there are a lot of fantastic people out there, although she has never met them, were there to support her. It came from knowing that her journey helped others. That alone was humbling.

I found me.

So, for once I am quite happy to lose something. I really don’t mind if I don’t find it again. I am happy to go on as I am now."

Till next time

Mel

The Power of Words Part 2

I can't believe it is over a month since I last blogged! I've been thinking of what to write for ages, just never seemed to "put pen to paper".

I decided on the subject of this blog after a "throw away" comment from a colleague today.

You know, since I got to my goal weight, people have done one of three things: they have been genuinely happy for me, they have made comments that sound like they are happy for me, but are followed with a back-hander, or they don't say anything.

But hey, in my new enlightened state, I can handle anything - well most of the time.

The genuinely happy ones usually leave it at "you look great", or "you've done really well". The second group fall into the "you've done well, but the hardest part is keeping it off" or "you look good but you know if you lose it quickly you'll put it back on. I've lost my weight slowly so I'll keep it off". (Weight regain is the subject for a whole other blog!) As for the third group, they just look you up and down and don't say anything. I don't even bother trying to justify myself to the second group anymore. Didn't anyone tell them you never put "but" in a sentence as when you do, the person you are talking to doesn't hear the first thing you said, only the bit after the "but".

Today, someone walked past with something they were sampling for the school canteen, and were sharing with the staff. As she walked past me she said "you can't have any, you're on a diet." Personally, I thought that was just plain mean. It's up to me whether I eat anything or not, and anyway, I've never said I'm on a diet, I always say I've changed the way I eat. My lifestyle now is all about balance - eating well, enjoying some of the good things in life, and participating in a moderate amount of exercise.

However, you just can't tell some people - and these comments, even when said in a jesting way, usually carry some degree of resentment or jealousy. So, although I know I shouldn't let these comments get to me, quite honestly today it just annoyed me. I don't tell this person how to live her life, so she can just butt out of mine!

There, I feel better now!

The Power of Words

About one month into the trial, I decided to take the plunge and address the issue of emotional eating. Up until then, all my blogs had been fairly light hearted, and provided lots of positives to others on the study. They were really just putting on a brave front. It was time to address the real issues. I had been "dipping my toe" in the water, and it hadn't been snapped off by a shark, so I guess now was the time to plunge right in.

So, this was the result. I posted and waited. Will everyone think I'm just a big sook? Will everyone tell me to "get a grip"? Will this be the blog that gets "0 comments"? Only time would tell. As it turned out, it struck a chord with so many people, so many others were feeling the same way, just didn't have the words to voice it. In some respects it opened the floodgates and allowed others to admit where they were failing themselves, acknowledge it, deal with it and move on. Even reading this again now, a little over six months later, I can see how I was using humour as a barrier and a deflection. Mental attitude is such a big part of weight loss, and until you are at peace with yourself, it will be a constant struggle.

"The Power of Words

I’ve been thinking about this blog for a while, whether to write it, and what exactly to say.

It’s about what makes us the way we are, or perhaps, more specifically, why I am the way I am.

There are so many reasons why people are overweight. To some, the overweight are simply gluttons, an easy assumption to make when you look back to the days of the Romans, or even Henry VIII, where the rich feasted and became fat, and the poor, who had little to eat, remained thin. I have had to sit and listen and some people around me have made assumptions about overweight people, and how they got that way, and “all they need to do is watch what they eat and exercise”. There is an assumption that overweight people are “lazy and stupid”, but I think everyone on this site knows THAT is not true!

Sometimes, it is not that simple.

I’ve sat there and listened while a group of people I was lunching with made fun of someone else they knew, who is overweight, and enjoys riding his motorbike and stopping for a snack on the ride (he does it occasionally). It was the source of much amusement for some time – but I didn’t think it was funny at all. All I could think was “what do they say about me when I’m not around”. They interesting thing about that discussion was, at times, some of them weren’t exactly slim either! They probably don’t even remember the discussion taking place – but I do. Never, ever believe that old adage “sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me.” Words can be just as if not more destructive.

For me, it all comes down to self esteem. For reasons I won’t go into here, I didn’t have a lot of friends at school. I met my husband when I was 21, and he did a lot in helping me improve my self esteem. However, as time goes on, things change, life gets busy, and your focus shifts. People that you think are your friends turn out not to be, and that is heartbreaking – so you eat. Post-natal depression combined with major house renovations – you eat. You are at home with the kids, no adults to talk to – so you eat. Hubby travels for work, you get lonely – so you eat. You make a really good friend – and they move to the other side of the country – you get the picture! You pick yourself up, lose weight – no-one notices – so you think, why do I bother, no-one even notices me, so the cycle starts again. Or worse, people who didn’t speak to you when you were “fat” start to talk to you when you are “thin”, and you think, “well, what was wrong with me before, I am the same person”. I know that you shouldn’t let what other people think govern what you do, but that is a really hard to do, and it has taken a long time for me to come to the acceptance that I don’t need other people’s approval. I now know that if someone can’t accept you the way you are, then maybe they are unhappy in themselves.

One day a woman nearly ran over my daughter and me on a pedestrian crossing at the entrance to a shopping centre car park. I hit the side of her car with my hand. She chased me down in the shops and yelled at me and called me a “fat bitch”. At the time it left me speechless. Never would I have dreamed of using someone’s physical size as an insult. Oh well, at least I would have left a sizable dent in the car if she hit me! I can always lose weight but she will probably always be ignorant!

The doubts are still there lurking in the background – did I miss out on that job because of my size? Do my some people not talk to me much because they’re skinny and I’m? A throwaway comment here and there that I have to try not to let get to me. These self doubts are so destructive and so hard to silence – but I’m getting there. I want to thank everybody who has given me such fabulous feedback on my previous blogs – you have made me feel 10 feet tall, and given me encouragement to go on! When I am feeling down, I sometimes re-read those blogs and comments. The power of words is amazing.

I thank you all for being with me on this life changing journey.

PS: Out of the mouths of babes – last year, during “The Biggest Loser” one of the students (who I must say, knows no boundaries), said to me “Melissa, maybe you should try out for “The Biggest Loser”, you could do with losing a few kilos”. What could I say? (I didn’t think I was THAT big!)"

29 September 2010

I don't need The Bigges Loser anymore!

Simple Pleasures and a Lesson Learnt

Simple Pleasures and a Lesson Learnt

As some of you know, I work with teenagers with special needs. I am constantly delighted by their ability to take pleasure in the simple things in life. Today, while I was teaching a class swimming, one student was sitting at the side of the pool. She wasn’t swimming, but watching her class mates.

As the class left the pool, she became more animated, pointing to the water.

“Reflection” she kept saying.

“Reflection, reflection. Reflection of the trees.”

This student loves reflections. Reflections in windows, reflections in cars, reflections in boats, reflections in spectacles. She loves to see her reflection in anything but a mirror. She gains huge pleasure from seeing these reflections, and not just her reflection, but if she see a picture which has a reflection in it, she loves that too.

So, as I had my camera with me at the time, I took a photo of the reflection in the water of the trees outside the pool area, showed it to her for approval and promised it to her for next term.

In some respects, I don’t blame her for loving reflections. I have to admit, I do enjoy photographing them and looking at them myself. When you think about it, reflections also convey a sense of calm – you don’t get a reflection in rough water, only smooth, calm water. You don’t get a reflection in a rough surface, only smooth surfaces like glass. To sit and look at a reflection in water early in the morning before the wind builds is very calming.

Which brings me to the mirror. A smooth, flawless (usually) surface, cool to touch. Bright, revealing all. It can give the illusion of space as it reflects the area around it.

So why are we so afraid of what we see in the mirror? How is it we go through life projecting an air of confidence, telling others we are comfortable with who we are, yet if it came down to it, we would admit we don’t like what we see in the mirror? How many of us avoid looking in the mirror? I admit, there have been times I have avoided the mirror – which is hard when you have full length mirror wardrobe doors!

Enter Alice. Alice meant I could write in the third person, and protect myself from criticism – some habits die hard. So, Alice was born.  Her first story, “Through the Looking Glass”, came about six weeks into the study. It detailed Alice’s defining moment when she realised things weren’t “as they appeared.”

“Through The Looking Glass

Once upon a time there was a little girl called Alice. Okay, so her name wasn’t Alice and she wasn’t little, but why let the facts get in the way of a good story. Every morning Alice would look in the mirror and say “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

Now, before you all tell me “that was someone else”, I know, I know, but this is my fairy tale.

So, every morning, Alice would ask mirror this question, and every morning Alice would eagerly await the answer “why of course, it is you young Alice.”

Now, mirror wasn’t the most truthful of mirrors. When Alice looked in the mirror, she thought, “well, I know I’m not the slimmest of princesses out there (did I mention she is a princess?), but I’m not THAT big”, and would go on with her day. She would go off to work, eat and drink what she thought was a pretty good diet, and exercise occasionally.

Then one day, Alice saw something that upset her a lot. A photograph. It was then she realised that mirror was lying to her. She wasn’t “just well proportioned” – she was fat! There was no denying it! Alice just wanted to go and hide away in her tower and never see anyone ever again.

Alice retreated into herself, but went about her daily life as if nothing had happened. The light went out of her eyes, the smile did not appear on her face very often, and she kept to herself as much as possible. She threw herself into looking after her castle.

Now, you have to realise Alice lived in a fairytale land where she was constantly bombarded by the television and magazines with images of slim, beautiful princesses, who seemingly kept their lovely figures with no effort at all. Women who had babies and had their pre-baby bodies back with a wave of their magic wand – those dreaded “yummy mummies”. No matter how much Alice waved her magic wand, and implored her fairy godmother, she just could not lose weight.

Then one day, when Alice was eating dinner, she heard about a magic programme to help people lose weight. It was a trial, to bring people together “virtually”, to support each other, to provide assistance, to provide tools, to help them achieve their goals. Alice by now, was sick of being a fat princess in a thin princess world, so decided to sign up.

As the time came closer to begin, she said goodbye to her old lifestyle. She came to terms with no longer eating all those comforting foods that had become her only friends. Unable to wait any longer, she bought the book, and started a week before the trial started – she was amazed, she lost one kilogram.

Then, amidst much excitement, the trial began. The resources were there – food ideas, recipes, plans – and the much treasured support and understanding. And the realisation that there were so many other princesses out there just like her! She was no longer alone.

As part of Alice’s healing, she joined the gym. Then one day, something magical happened.

One morning as Alice was getting dressed, she caught sight of herself as she was pulling on her top. What’s this? What is this “depression” on my side? My goodness, my body is changing, it is starting to look slimmer, show a bit of definition. So Alice decided to have a good look at herself. Her legs were slimmer, bum a bit smaller – hey, this diet thing really was working.

Alice held herself up tall. The light came back to her eyes. A cheeky smile crept across her face. Then, the words came out – “mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

And the reply – “you are” and this time, she knew mirror meant it.”

10 October 2010

As for my friend at school, I’m not sure why she won’t look at herself in the mirror, but I’m sure we can work on that!

Inspiration and Motivation

"Whatever you can do or dream you can
Begin it
Boldness has genius and magic in it
Begin it now" (Goethe)

What inspires and motivates you? What gets you out of bed in the morning? Do you face each day with the attitude "oh well, let's just get this day out of the way" or do you face each day with enthusiasm, looking forward to what it might bring you?

We are all motivated and inspired by different things. For some it is a desire to be like someone else - an athlete, a leader, a celebrity, a loved relative. For others, they could be inspired simply by watching those who overcome adversity simply to get through the day. One thing I have learnt in this time of self-discovery is that your motivation truely has to come from within. If you rely on others to motivate and inspire you, you can soon lose that motivation.

So many people have said to me "your husband must be so happy with your weight loss". My response is always "I didn't do it for him". This is one thing you really have to do for YOURSELF. You can't do it for anyone or anything else - you have to make yourself number 1. Yes, you can seek inspiration from others, but use them as a guide, not as the ultimate. In the end, you only have yourself to answer to - be true to yourself.

Those around us do have an influence on how we lead our lives - if we choose to let them. We are surrounded by pushers and pullers. The pushers push us to be our best, and the pullers just want to pull us down. Generally, we can't change how people act towards us, however we can change how we REACT to them. We can choose to let it bother us, we can choose to let it fester and create negative energy (never good), we can choose to deal with the situation and try and resolve it, or we can choose to simply ignore it and not let it bother us. I am now finding things that used to send me into a spin simply don't bother me at all, and I really don't want to get involved in others' issues. It seems to be taking a while for some people to get that, however I'm sure they will soon!

Once I made that mental shift, I found my whole weight loss journey change. It all became easier, and I knew that the changes I had made would be for life. I felt at peace, and didn't feel the need to seek comfort in food. It was interesting reading others' blogs during the study, and seeing them come to the same realisation at different times - it was like a light bulb moment! Every time it made me smile - yes, another person gets it! Until you truely get it, you will struggle with your weight.

Someone I admire who has made just this adjustment is Magda Szubanski. She openly talks about dealing with the demons and having therapy as part of her weight loss journey. She is spot on - deal with it, or constantly struggle. They say weight loss is 70% what goes in your mouth and 30% exercise, however I think those figures need to be adjusted to include mental adjustment - maybe 50% mental, 30% diet and 20% exercise. Don't just talk the talk, walk the walk.

So, here endith the lesson!

Okay, So I've Made Friends With The Scales.....

....now I have to move on - to the tape measure. Ignorence is bliss isn't it? I think it was two weeks in I decided to stare down the elephant in the room, and face reality (again) and measure myself! I was reading others' blogs about their shrinking bodies, and thought, mmm, maybe I should be doing something about that. So here goes.....

"Yesterday, it was time to address the elephant in the room.

I was ignoring it, and it wasn't going away.

There it was, coiled in its slim smugness.

Sitting there, quietly waiting.

I had often used it on others, was at times lost without it, but as for using it on myself - no way!

It was time, as they say, to measure up.

Hubby was out, (no one need see this), I was getting ready for work, so.....no more excuses.

The scales, I could handle (we're friends again, we have a date every Friday, and I wave a cheery good morning every day.) The mirror, well, easy to avert my gaze as I walk past. But the tape measure? It begs the question, which of us is really the elephant in the room?

The problem started when my doctor told me he wasn't worried about what I weighed, he was more concerned about my waist measurement. For females, 88cm and below was good. This was a few years ago. I'm below that, I thought at the time, and went home and measured myself.

No....that can't be right....maybe I started at the wrong end - 108cm! When did that happen?

Well, let’s just try not to think about that for the moment, and just get on with life - I'll change when I'm less tired/less busy/hubby home/kids older/got a job/not working as much/can afford to join the gym/weather warmer/weather cooler.......

So, back to Tuesday morning. I had the tape measure (my trusty dressmakers tape), pen, paper - time to face the music. Bust 117.5 cm, waist 104 (well, that's an improvement!), hips 110. Got a little bit of work to do there!

Well, now I've been slapped in the face with the "bare" facts, it's time to get on with the job, and work on reducing those numbers. Jog up those stairs at work, join the gym to use the weights three times a week, I'll be back in the pool teaching swimming at school next term - onward and upward (except, I hope, for those numbers!) I think I know now who the elephant in the room really is!"

15 September 2010

After a few months, unbelievably I actually looked forward to seeing what showed up on the tape measure - especially when my waist got firstly below 100cm, then below that magical 88cm mark. Even better when it got below 80cm.

Next step - join the gym - is there no end to this madness?

It's Not All Serious

After two weeks on the plan, I lost 2 kilos. Two weeks of sensible eating, where I was actually eating more than I was before. I should probably point out that I wasn't a "junk food junkie", on the surface I ate quite well - cereal for breakfast, fruit and sometimes yogurt for morning tea, salad and crackers for lunch - I wasn't actually eating enough! This led to drops in blood sugar in the afternoon which led to energy slumps which led to - poor food choices in the afternoon! Even at dinner time, my portions were the smallest in the family. So to be able to eat as much as I was and still lose weight - I was in heaven.

It was after about two weeks that I wrote the following blog. It was time to inject a bit of humour, time to lighten up a bit. Losing weight didn't have to be all serious stuff - sometimes we need a good laugh to help us along. I'm not sure where the inspiration came from - but I'm sure glad it did.

"Hello Old Friend

Hello again old friend.

Yes, I know, it's been a while since we've really communicated properly, but, it's not you, it's me.

You've always been the strong one, waiting patiently for me, always there with your honesty, I'm the one who just wasn't always ready to listen.

I think now I'm ready to build a relationship again. That's what I like about you. No matter how long I ignore you, sometimes for a year, you still welcome me back. You have always been there, in the background, silently watching me.

Why is it though I only want you when it's good news? Why can't I deal with it when it's bad? I've got to learn to take the good with the bad. I'm always telling others not to become too dependent on your friends, not to let what they say rule their day, not to let them dictate on whether they have a good day or a bad day. Not to let them determine their mood.

Obviously, at the moment, we are on good terms. In fact, over this year, we have been getting a little better acquainted again. The danger now is that I become too familiar with you again.  I have to try to keep the relationship down to meeting once a week.  More often and I will fall into the same trap as many others have.  I think once a week is healthy.

To think I was thinking of getting rid of you. How could I? Even trading you in for a sleeker, more modern model? You have been steadfast and loyal for so many years. You now have your own special place, easy to get to, easy to see, not hidden away as you were before.

I'm not afraid of you anymore. I don't pretend not to see you anymore. I know that every Friday morning, I will step on you, and you will have good news for me. At least your numbers are big enough for me to see without my glasses! Now when I get out of the shower in the morning and see you in the corner I smile, instead of cringing.

Here's to a long and happy friendship, dear scales.

(Mirror, I'm sorry, I'm just not ready to make up with you yet - maybe in a few more weeks.)"

12 September 2010

It turned out to be quite a while before mirror and I became friends again - but that's a whole new blog!

And just so you know what we are dealing with here, this is a photo taken in February, 2010!

Facing the Facts - The Bare Truth

I believe that if you want to change something, you have to admit the truth from the start. There is no point continuing to deny there is an issue, or downplay it, otherwise changes are just cosmetic - just a bandaid. You may make short term changes, but long term resolution won't happen. Weight loss is as much about what is happening in your head as it is what you put in your mouth.

So, part of my long term weight loss was going to involve in part actually admitting, deep down inside, that I was, in fact, overweight, not just "a little large", or just "a bit overweight". I was fat! There, I said it.

The scales I had at the start of the study said I weighed 86 kilos. Not too bad I thought. I only need to lose about 15 kilos. I can live with that. Mmmmm - nice little bubble I'm living in! Well, if that's the case, why am I a size 16, and boy they are starting to make them a little small these days!!!!!

Unfortunately, I didn't take my measurements at the start - I took them after about two weeks. Also along the way (weigh!) I bought new, more accurate scales (honesty is the best policy remember) - and, that meant I had about 6 more kilos to lose than I though! Oh well, I'm in too deep now!

So - here are the "bare" facts

Height 170cm
Weight - 92 kilos
Bust - 117.5cm
Waist 104cm
Hips 110cm
Thigh - Left 57.5 Right 59
BMI 31.84

Ouch!

Will I ever get my waist down to the recommended 88cm? That just seems too hard! And as for the BMI - that makes me - obese! eeek! Looks like I have got some hard work to do.

So, I will handle this task with a fair amount of humour (it's the only way) and a large (excuse the pun) amount of introspection. Hold on tight, it's going to be a rough ride!

Til next time.

Here We Go Again

"Well, here we go - again! I'm a 46 year old married mother of 3, with a full time job as a teacher's aide to students with special needs.

I need to lose around 15 kilos.

I need to exercise more.

I need to avoid the heart disease and type 2 diabeties that runs in my family.

So, here we go again!

I started the TWD on Monday, 30 August - and I've already lost 1 kilo! I'm not hungry, but as I work in a school, having trouble adjusting to not having morning tea! Sometimes I borrow from another meal.

A few years ago, I lost 20 kilos over a year, and put about 13 back on, so I know I can do this! Hopefully, with the help of this site, and the moral support of everyone on it, it will be (relatively) easy.

So, good luck everyone, remember you are not alone, check back in for support and encouragement, and remember, is that chocolate/cake/beer really worth it!

4 September 2010"

Well, that was my first blog on the CSIRO site - pretty tame really. Just a matter of introducing myself, and dipping my toe in the water! I had never blogged before, and I didn't know if first of all, anyone would bother reading it and secondly, if they did, what their reaction would be.

You have to remember at this stage, I was still very insecure, and still very worried about what other people thought. I'm not sure with the last line whether I was trying to encourage others, or myself!

So, what happened next? Only time would tell!

How It All Started

It was 2010, some time in July. I was working full time and looking after my family. I was, and there is no way of sugar coating this - overweight. I was tired, and had no enthusiasm for life. I kept telling myself that "one day" I would do something about my weight, and "one day" that weight would come off.

There were many reasons why I was in this situation - more about those later. Suffice to say - here I was. Overweight, and if the BMI calculations were to be believed - actually obese (who? me? surely not). Then, during dinner, I was thrown a lifeline.

A story came on the television about a study being done by the CSIRO. They were setting up a website to determine whether social networking helped in the battle for weight loss. The site would give you access to their Total Wellbeing Diet, together with tools to help you lose weight, support and most of all, access to lots of other like minded souls.

And it was free.

Worth a try, I thought. Can't hurt, got nothing to lose (well, except about 20-odd kilos). So, I jumped online, filled out the questionaire, and - oh, I must really be overweight, I was accepted for the study.

Well, after a few false starts, the website was up and running around the end of August 2010, and so was I. It was time for me, time to turn things around, time to get back to where I wanted to be. I knew I could do it, I had done it before, I just needed to be, as I say to the kids at school "in the right place at the right time".

So, in this blog, I'll share my journey, and share some of the blogs I wrote during this time. I'll even be brave enough to post some photos! It will keep me honest! Maybe by writing this blog, it may help someone out there face down their demons, and turn their life around too!