The Power of Words

About one month into the trial, I decided to take the plunge and address the issue of emotional eating. Up until then, all my blogs had been fairly light hearted, and provided lots of positives to others on the study. They were really just putting on a brave front. It was time to address the real issues. I had been "dipping my toe" in the water, and it hadn't been snapped off by a shark, so I guess now was the time to plunge right in.

So, this was the result. I posted and waited. Will everyone think I'm just a big sook? Will everyone tell me to "get a grip"? Will this be the blog that gets "0 comments"? Only time would tell. As it turned out, it struck a chord with so many people, so many others were feeling the same way, just didn't have the words to voice it. In some respects it opened the floodgates and allowed others to admit where they were failing themselves, acknowledge it, deal with it and move on. Even reading this again now, a little over six months later, I can see how I was using humour as a barrier and a deflection. Mental attitude is such a big part of weight loss, and until you are at peace with yourself, it will be a constant struggle.

"The Power of Words

I’ve been thinking about this blog for a while, whether to write it, and what exactly to say.

It’s about what makes us the way we are, or perhaps, more specifically, why I am the way I am.

There are so many reasons why people are overweight. To some, the overweight are simply gluttons, an easy assumption to make when you look back to the days of the Romans, or even Henry VIII, where the rich feasted and became fat, and the poor, who had little to eat, remained thin. I have had to sit and listen and some people around me have made assumptions about overweight people, and how they got that way, and “all they need to do is watch what they eat and exercise”. There is an assumption that overweight people are “lazy and stupid”, but I think everyone on this site knows THAT is not true!

Sometimes, it is not that simple.

I’ve sat there and listened while a group of people I was lunching with made fun of someone else they knew, who is overweight, and enjoys riding his motorbike and stopping for a snack on the ride (he does it occasionally). It was the source of much amusement for some time – but I didn’t think it was funny at all. All I could think was “what do they say about me when I’m not around”. They interesting thing about that discussion was, at times, some of them weren’t exactly slim either! They probably don’t even remember the discussion taking place – but I do. Never, ever believe that old adage “sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me.” Words can be just as if not more destructive.

For me, it all comes down to self esteem. For reasons I won’t go into here, I didn’t have a lot of friends at school. I met my husband when I was 21, and he did a lot in helping me improve my self esteem. However, as time goes on, things change, life gets busy, and your focus shifts. People that you think are your friends turn out not to be, and that is heartbreaking – so you eat. Post-natal depression combined with major house renovations – you eat. You are at home with the kids, no adults to talk to – so you eat. Hubby travels for work, you get lonely – so you eat. You make a really good friend – and they move to the other side of the country – you get the picture! You pick yourself up, lose weight – no-one notices – so you think, why do I bother, no-one even notices me, so the cycle starts again. Or worse, people who didn’t speak to you when you were “fat” start to talk to you when you are “thin”, and you think, “well, what was wrong with me before, I am the same person”. I know that you shouldn’t let what other people think govern what you do, but that is a really hard to do, and it has taken a long time for me to come to the acceptance that I don’t need other people’s approval. I now know that if someone can’t accept you the way you are, then maybe they are unhappy in themselves.

One day a woman nearly ran over my daughter and me on a pedestrian crossing at the entrance to a shopping centre car park. I hit the side of her car with my hand. She chased me down in the shops and yelled at me and called me a “fat bitch”. At the time it left me speechless. Never would I have dreamed of using someone’s physical size as an insult. Oh well, at least I would have left a sizable dent in the car if she hit me! I can always lose weight but she will probably always be ignorant!

The doubts are still there lurking in the background – did I miss out on that job because of my size? Do my some people not talk to me much because they’re skinny and I’m? A throwaway comment here and there that I have to try not to let get to me. These self doubts are so destructive and so hard to silence – but I’m getting there. I want to thank everybody who has given me such fabulous feedback on my previous blogs – you have made me feel 10 feet tall, and given me encouragement to go on! When I am feeling down, I sometimes re-read those blogs and comments. The power of words is amazing.

I thank you all for being with me on this life changing journey.

PS: Out of the mouths of babes – last year, during “The Biggest Loser” one of the students (who I must say, knows no boundaries), said to me “Melissa, maybe you should try out for “The Biggest Loser”, you could do with losing a few kilos”. What could I say? (I didn’t think I was THAT big!)"

29 September 2010

I don't need The Bigges Loser anymore!