Now, where were we!

September! Can someone tell me how, all of a sudden, it got to September! Last time I blogged it was May, and I swear it was only yesterday!

So, I guess I should fast forward, and catch you up - some of you may be hanging out for the end of the story.

I last left you, before my rant about thoughtless people, with a blog about emotional eating. Since I got that off my chest, I will fill you in on how I went on this study.

After the 12 weeks of the official study, I lost, much to my delight, a little over 12 kilos! I was ecstatic! It had been so easy, and the support I had received from my cyber buddies was amazing. My goal then was to lose 15 kilos by Christmas.

Well, I smashed this, losing 17 kilos by Christmas day. By then, I had gone from a size 16-18 to a size 12! Happy, happy. But most of all, I was happy in myself. I no longer worried about what others said or did - that was their problem. I couldn't control how they acted, but I could control how they reacted - and I chose not to be negative.

This is an extract from a blog I wrote in around October last year:

"So if people don't say "wow you've lost weight", big deal, I'm not doing it for them, I'm doing it for me - not my husband, not my kids - me. My wellbeing, my mental health - me.

I feel a sense of calmness and peace that I haven't for a long time. I don't believe though that I won't have down times - I do believe though that they won't be as bad as before or last as long as before. There is an acceptance of myself for who I am that has taken a long time to come. As I was reading some blogs earlier where others were describing their bad days or weeks or how they were feeling down I almost felt bad for wanting to write this, but in doing so maybe it will help others see that it DOES get better!"

I was right - there are still tough times, but they are easier to get through - usually just mometary flashes, instead of long periods of brooding. I am more able to stand up for myself, more assertive - which has surprised a few people. There are a few people around who still try to bring me down, but again, that's their problem.

This journey has not been without it's humourous moments. There was the time a colleague told me not to lose any more weight as I was making him look like "a fat bastard" - I told him he didn't need me to do that! Then, there was the time I was running around school in board shorts (I teach swimming), and a member of staff called me "sexy legs". I made the mistake of blogging about that one, and that label stuck! There were also the tales of how I wrestled (and lost) with my conscience over whether to induldge in morning tea, and the pure delight of receiving compliements from unexpected sources.

Friday night very quickly became "wine night", the night I consumed my two indulgences for the week, a well earned glass (or two) or wine! The only issue was that my husband was forced to consume the rest of the bottle - but he rose to the challenge!

The 5.30am starts for the gym soon became routine, and amazing, I actually enjoyed (enjoy) it. It did get difficult in winter, but the results make it worthwhile. One instructor dubbed me "the incredible shrinking woman". Don't let anyone tell you you can't lose weight by doing weights - they are wrong! It's the best way - for lots of reasons I won't go into here.

So, in February, I got to my goal weight of 70kgs - and I was happy with that. It was then I decided I needed a new challenge - and started running. I had been doing a little in the gym, but decided to enter the City2Surf for the first time since 1999. I also wanted an exercise that I could do when I was on holidays and away from the gym.

Running had a pleasant, unplanned side effect, helping me lose another 5kgs, bring my weight down to 65kgs. This was the lowest weight I had been for YEARS, and I am quite happy with that! I am now down to a size 8-10, and finding it easy to maintain.

I wrote this blog in November, at the end of the 12 week study - I think the sentiment holds true still:

"I seem to have lost something. Can anyone help me find it? Although I’m not sure I really want to. I had it a few months ago, and I seem to have put it somewhere, and now I don’t know where I put it.

I’ve looked under the bed, with the electric blanket, shoes, spare pillows – no, not there. I’ve looked in the wardrobe, amongst all the clothes, up on the top shelf – no, can’t find it there. I’ve even looked out in the garage, and in the cupboard in the spare room – can’t find it anywhere.

I’m not even sure what it looks like anymore. I guess I would describe it as weighing around 86 kgs, full of insecurities, too timid to stand up for itself, no energy. More content to hide itself at home than get out and do anything. Now, where has it gone?

It seems to have disappeared! In its place is something else. Something that is energetic, jumping out of bed at 5.30am to go to the gym. More confident, able to assert itself. Something that is 12.4kgs lighter, 54cm smaller and seemingly 10 feet tall. Where did this thing come from?

It came from the realisation that it is important. That she is important. That only you can change you. That it doesn’t matter what other people think of you, it is what you think of yourself that matters. That the small stuff doesn’t matter.

It came from knowing that there are a lot of fantastic people out there, although she has never met them, were there to support her. It came from knowing that her journey helped others. That alone was humbling.

I found me.

So, for once I am quite happy to lose something. I really don’t mind if I don’t find it again. I am happy to go on as I am now."

Till next time

Mel