Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Out of the Comfort Zone.....


“Go to the edge” the voice said

Every day at the school I work at, we are asking the students to go outside their comfort zone. In fact, we pride ourselves on making them just a little bit uncomfortable. For some, it could just be as simple as asking them to speak up in class, or knowing where to start writing on a page. We are asking them to take risks. From where we stand, they are not big risks, they are things we do without even thinking about it, however for some of the students, they are as insurmountable as climbing Mt Everest is for us.

“But I’ll fall”

Camp is a huge “risk” for some of the students. Leaving the comfort, security and familiarity of home and family is almost too much for some to cope with. Once at Camp, some need help with the basics we all take for granted – when and how to shower, when and how to get up and dressed in the morning. Sharing a meal with a large group of people, even sitting down to eat for more than five minutes is a huge leap outside of their comfort zone.

“Go to the edge” the voice said

The students all meet these challenges and largely rise to the occasion, without too many tears (from staff and students alike). The happy, smiling faces and constant laughter is testimony to that.

“But you’ll push me”

When was the last time YOU were truly challenged? When was the last time YOU stepped out of your comfort zone? As adults, we have worked out ways to avoid situations that make us uncomfortable. I know myself, when confronted with the Taipan at Jambaroo, I simply told the students “no, I’m not doing that, I don’t like enclosed spaces”. I can endure their laughter, I can endure their name calling – I can live with that. 

“Go to the edge” the voice said

I like to think I have empathy with those students, that I can remember what it is like to be scared to do something. Often when the students become anxious about stepping outside their comfort zone, we tell them “it’s okay”, “you can do it”, “it’s not a problem”, when inside we are probably thinking “why are they worried about that?” However I think time and logical thinking dulls that fear in most of us. We learn to deal with that fear, we learn to cope or overcome it – or we simply avoid the cause. I decided whilst watching the students on one of the Jambaroo attractions that I needed to “put up or shut up”. I was watching them jump off “The Rock”, a five metre high jump into an equally deep pool. Certainly not for the faint hearted! One student, who had been wanting to do it all day, had jumped once and was hesitating on his second jump. As I watched and sensed his hesitation, I resolved to do it myself. “Okay”, I called, “I’ll do it too!”

So I went

As I ran to the top and saw their looks of disbelief, I tried not to think too much about what I was doing. I went to the edge and looked down (first mistake – long way down!) I endured the giggling behind me, and looked down at the expectant faces below me. I called (begged, pleaded) for silence, stretched my arms out to the side and took a few deep, calming (last?) breaths. With the encouraging words of the lifeguard ringing in my ears (“I’m here to rescue you if anything goes wrong” – thanks for that) I finally took that step off the edge.

I was pushed

Five metres down to the water, with your eyes shut, seems to take an awfully long time – and there is no going back! Silence seemed to descend on the park as I waited to hit the water. The journey up to the top of the water takes a while too! Once I realised I was still in one piece, I began the swim back to the edge – “how was it?” (cold), “was it good?” (I’ll get back to you on that one). I climbed out and put on my brave face. “Do it again – the more you do it the easier it gets” I was advised. No, I think once was enough! I was absolutely terrified – at least I could blame the cold water for the shaking.

And I flew.

I think it is a good thing to challenge yourself like this every once in a while. It has put me back in touch with how it feels to be really scared – to be really uncomfortable. Hopefully it will give me a greater appreciation, understanding and acceptance of the daily struggles of what the students go through.  Whilst I may not jump off any more “mountains”, hopefully it will also allow me to also push myself out of my comfort zone more often.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Difference A Year Makes

This time last year, I was getting ready to go on school camp. I was really worried about what I was going to eat, and whether I was going to blow out.

Next week, I go off on school camp again. This year, I'm not worried. I know I will be able to control my choices, and if the food doesn't exactly suit, well I'll just worry about it when I get home.

One of the teacher's made up a book with photos from last year, and showed it to his year 7 class. They of course weren't at the school last year, so therefore weren't on camp.

When they saw the photo of me, they didn't know who it was! They thought it was one of the other teachers! It took him some convincing to assure them it really was me. Later that day the book was being passed around our staff meeting. Across the room I could hear "look at Melissa, doesn't she look different - how amazing". It was a nice feeling.

It's little reminders like that that make it all worthwhile, and make it easier to stay on track.

I have another run on Sunday, the Sydney Running Festival, 9.2km across the Sydney Harbour Bridge. I am really looking forward to this one. Best of all, I am meeting up with a couple of TWD buddies for lunch on Saturday.

Have a good week everyone.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Now, where were we!

September! Can someone tell me how, all of a sudden, it got to September! Last time I blogged it was May, and I swear it was only yesterday!

So, I guess I should fast forward, and catch you up - some of you may be hanging out for the end of the story.

I last left you, before my rant about thoughtless people, with a blog about emotional eating. Since I got that off my chest, I will fill you in on how I went on this study.

After the 12 weeks of the official study, I lost, much to my delight, a little over 12 kilos! I was ecstatic! It had been so easy, and the support I had received from my cyber buddies was amazing. My goal then was to lose 15 kilos by Christmas.

Well, I smashed this, losing 17 kilos by Christmas day. By then, I had gone from a size 16-18 to a size 12! Happy, happy. But most of all, I was happy in myself. I no longer worried about what others said or did - that was their problem. I couldn't control how they acted, but I could control how they reacted - and I chose not to be negative.

This is an extract from a blog I wrote in around October last year:


"So if people don't say "wow you've lost weight", big deal, I'm not doing it for them, I'm doing it for me - not my husband, not my kids - me. My wellbeing, my mental health - me.

I feel a sense of calmness and peace that I haven't for a long time. I don't believe though that I won't have down times - I do believe though that they won't be as bad as before or last as long as before. There is an acceptance of myself for who I am that has taken a long time to come. As I was reading some blogs earlier where others were describing their bad days or weeks or how they were feeling down I almost felt bad for wanting to write this, but in doing so maybe it will help others see that it DOES get better!"
I was right - there are still tough times, but they are easier to get through - usually just mometary flashes, instead of long periods of brooding. I am more able to stand up for myself, more assertive - which has surprised a few people. There are a few people around who still try to bring me down, but again, that's their problem.
This journey has not been without it's humourous moments. There was the time a colleague told me not to lose any more weight as I was making him look like "a fat bastard" - I told him he didn't need me to do that! Then, there was the time I was running around school in board shorts (I teach swimming), and a member of staff called me "sexy legs". I made the mistake of blogging about that one, and that label stuck! There were also the tales of how I wrestled (and lost) with my conscience over whether to induldge in morning tea, and the pure delight of receiving compliements from unexpected sources.
Friday night very quickly became "wine night", the night I consumed my two indulgences for the week, a well earned glass (or two) or wine! The only issue was that my husband was forced to consume the rest of the bottle - but he rose to the challenge!
The 5.30am starts for the gym soon became routine, and amazing, I actually enjoyed (enjoy) it. It did get difficult in winter, but the results make it worthwhile. One instructor dubbed me "the incredible shrinking woman". Don't let anyone tell you you can't lose weight by doing weights - they are wrong! It's the best way - for lots of reasons I won't go into here.
So, in February, I got to my goal weight of 70kgs - and I was happy with that. It was then I decided I needed a new challenge - and started running. I had been doing a little in the gym, but decided to enter the City2Surf for the first time since 1999. I also wanted an exercise that I could do when I was on holidays and away from the gym.
Running had a pleasant, unplanned side effect, helping me lose another 5kgs, bring my weight down to 65kgs. This was the lowest weight I had been for YEARS, and I am quite happy with that! I am now down to a size 8-10, and finding it easy to maintain.
I wrote this blog in November, at the end of the 12 week study - I think the sentiment holds true still:
"I seem to have lost something. Can anyone help me find it? Although I’m not sure I really want to. I had it a few months ago, and I seem to have put it somewhere, and now I don’t know where I put it.
I’ve looked under the bed, with the electric blanket, shoes, spare pillows – no, not there. I’ve looked in the wardrobe, amongst all the clothes, up on the top shelf – no, can’t find it there. I’ve even looked out in the garage, and in the cupboard in the spare room – can’t find it anywhere.
I’m not even sure what it looks like anymore. I guess I would describe it as weighing around 86 kgs, full of insecurities, too timid to stand up for itself, no energy. More content to hide itself at home than get out and do anything. Now, where has it gone?
It seems to have disappeared! In its place is something else. Something that is energetic, jumping out of bed at 5.30am to go to the gym. More confident, able to assert itself. Something that is 12.4kgs lighter, 54cm smaller and seemingly 10 feet tall. Where did this thing come from?
It came from the realisation that it is important. That she is important. That only you can change you. That it doesn’t matter what other people think of you, it is what you think of yourself that matters. That the small stuff doesn’t matter.
It came from knowing that there are a lot of fantastic people out there, although she has never met them, were there to support her. It came from knowing that her journey helped others. That alone was humbling.
I found me.
So, for once I am quite happy to lose something. I really don’t mind if I don’t find it again. I am happy to go on as I am now."
Till next time
Mel